World Series

I cannot claim to be the most loyal baseball fan, and in recent years I've developed an aversion to physically attending sporting events. Still, the St. Louis Cardinals are a team that I grew up with, back when growing up with a team actually meant something. I remember the same players from 1982, the year of the last world championship, to about 1990. Nowadays you're lucky if you have any players on your team now that were there two seasons ago.

But all griping aside, I'm thrilled to see the Redbirds bring home another championship. The tenth in team history but only the second in my lifetime (I had just turned 5 last time), it didn't "make me feel like a kid again," as the trite saying goes, but it did result in an adrenaline increase, something I normally don't get as an adult. I found myself cringing when something went poorly and jumping out of my seat when a Tiger pitcher threw a ball into the outfield and the Birds scored. I was unable to get to sleep until 2 hours after each game ended, which sometimes made me late for work the next day. I had convinced myself that I wouldn't tie my emotional state to a bunch of baseball players, but the October run that these guys had temporarily broke through that conviction.

Way to go, guys.

29

Time won't stand by forever
If I know it's true
And I've learned not to say never
'else I'll seem the fool

29, you'd think I'd know better
Living like a kid
When my lies may seem less than clever
Is when I fall for it

Only time will tell if wishing wells
Can bring us anything
Or fade like scenes from childhood dreams
...Forgotten memories

Some rides don't have much of a finish
That's the ride I took
Through good and bad and straight through indifference
Without a second look

There's no intentions worthy of mention
If we never try
So hang your hopes on rusted-out hinges
Take 'em for a ride

Only time will tell if wishing wells
Can bring us anything
Or fade like scenes from childhood dreams
...Forgotten memories

Only time will tell...

Gin Blossoms
29
New Miserable Experience, 1992


Sigh. I'm now at the youngest age that I once considered "old." Yes, I know that I won't be receiving mailings from AARP anytime soon, but it does depress me a bit that once I thought of 29 as the age people get when they get as old as my parents and teachers, and now here I am.

Almost as depressing as the number itself is the concept of "the cusp." I am on "the cusp" of 30. I am on "the cusp" between young adulthood and adulthood. I was born on the cusp between star signs Libra and Scorpio. What the hell is a "cusp," anyway? How the hell did I get on so many of them and how do I get off? Is my life moving too quickly or not quickly enough and should I even care? I have a college diploma, a full-time job with responsibilities, living expenses, two bank accounts, a self-run limited liability company, retirement plans, and business cards. I also sleep in a bedroom that once contained a framed nursery rhyme embroidery that was placed on my wall when I was 4 days old. For a while, it hung next to my college diploma.

Sometimes I wonder which has done more for me.

And so here we have the phenomenon of Cusp Anxiety. Neither here nor there, caught in between, feeling like the same people who, just yesterday, wouldn't let you swim without water wings have now thrown you face-first into the deep end.

Cusp Anxiety leads to Unintentional Angst. This disturbs me, because I haven't experienced Unintentional Angst since I stopped attending weekend religious school. All my angst since then has been of the self-imposed variety, which is much easier to control, even if it does create the appearance of being a neurotic, introverted, brooding weirdo.

I have no doubt that this will all clear up in due time, but it is still a rather angsty moment in my life and one that will impact many of my upcoming decisions, many of which will have consequences that will be with me for the rest of my life. I suppose that's the main source of Cusp Anxiety, at least in my life.

Also, my driver's license has just expired. Frack.