Bad Cartoons Are My Draxon Drear

I understand the animated Justice League Unlimited will be drawing to a close this year, following its adorable kid cousin Teen Titans to the Realm of the Ancillary, where old cartoons go to begin their Celestial Cycle: Creation, Marketing, Popularity, More Marketing, Peak of Greatness, More Marketing, Jumping the Shark, Desperate Marketing, Cancellation, Marketing of Anything That's Left, Return on Investment, Greedy Marketing, Poorly Written Remake (Usually involving motorcycles and the word EXTREME), Damage Control, Fan Anger, Fan Wars (pointless arguments between fans of the classic version and fans of the new), Reconciliation and finally Release of a New, Well Done Version.

I should point out that not all shows reach that last point. I have been waiting 20 years for a remake of Lazer Tag Academy and so far, nothing. For a while I was wondering whether they would remake Bucky O'Hare, but then I decided that it was probably best that they didn't, as it would be a New EXTREME version with motorcycles and really lame dialogue. Think the new Kids WB show ****NAME OMITTED BECAUSE OF SHOW'S OVERALL CRAPPINESS****. I mean, seriously! Give today's kids some credit! So there were no motorcycles or extensive fart jokes or the word EXTREME in the old Bugs Bunny shorts! Is that any reason to deprive today's youth of the pleasure of watching a rabbit in drag seduce a bald hunter with a speech impediment into shooting himself in the face with an elephant gun? I don't buy it.

Speaking as a GUITE (Grew Up In The Eighties), I would like to see faithful restarts (notice I said reSTARTS, not reMAKES) of the best animated shows that the eighties had to offer. I want to see more episodes of Lazer Tag Academy and Bionic Six, of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends. I'm interested to see how Captain N would fight his way through the new generation of Nintendo games, aren't you? And just what the heck was wrong with Danger Mouse? He was the greatest secret agent in the world! Wherefore art the Mysterious Cities of Gold and Kidd Video? I mean, Kidd Video had both a super-strong pixie that wears leg warmers AND Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch! If that doesn't warrant another season, what the hell does?!

So, in summation, JLU shall be missed for so many reasons. I tell you, today's kids are being shortchanged. Something must be done. Not by me, of course, because I like to stay in and watch cartoons.